


Half and Half Means Neither (ergo I'm Either Garbage - or Unrecognised Gold, and Decision's Mine Alone)

by orphan_account



Series: 'May you find hope' is a terrible curse in some galaxies [2]
Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Sengoku Basara
Genre: AU from here to infinity seriously, AU fusion headcanon crossover, F/F, F/M, M/M, Prequel, because this one isn't very long all thing considered, can be read on its own maybe- not sure, in PMMM-verse Hanbei is half-human half-kyubey and here's how, not always chronological but the timeline is easy to put together aka like in every of mine, only mentioning main charas and pairings, though it may get longer it was only just 'born' in my mind so, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 00:32:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7779922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prequel. Hanbei-centric. Headcanonned Kyubei culture/ civilisation.</p><p>***<br/>Shigeharu wasn't a human, neither was he 'that'.</p><p>He forgot it. He'd rather forget what mattered, than live in hell. Not that this body of his wasn't already hell.</p><p>The choice was his alone. Fortunately he didn't have to decide, because he was already dying of a purely human illness. On purpose, and so, he locked his own secrets in the back of his mind. Now he was just a pathetic human being, only slightly smarter than some, and waiting to die.</p><p>Why should he be more? To stop a death of a universe? Why should he care? </p><p>**************</p><p>"Hanbei. When will you rest?"</p><p>That's right. Somewhere in the back of his mind, the locked memories opened slightly, though only to his subconscious, and rarely conscious, because now, there was an answer. In the unconscious part of his mind: an answer to the question why the universe shouldn't die soon, and, if that man ever decided to make descendants... why, in such case, the universe shouldn't die for even a few or several centuries. </p><p>Hideyoshi. Dear Hideyoshi.</p><p>TBC: Chapter 4: Time and Failure, and Unremembered Spell</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I will also mention that in "Puella Magi Mitsunari Magica" someday, but when it comes to incubators, I only know what's stated in Madoka TV series, the Madoka manga with same plot as TV series, and "Different Story" manga, because that's all the Puella Magi Madoka Magica I've watched/ read so far. So this is probably gonna be very, very AU when it comes to incubators if there's anything about them in other sources, and that's fine by me. Also, if anybody's curious, nobody in this verse knows whether the human and incubator hybrid can breed or not, because Hanbei hasn't cared to check.
> 
> I don't really know either, because it doesn't matter in this particular MadokaSB ficverse. I'm just rambling, I suppose. :)

**Prologue**

 

"The experiment was a success. He has emotions, but he's still capable of logic and intelligence, unlike madmen born naturally on our planet. He's insane, but he's capable of pretending to be a sane person and seeing reason. It's a complete success! Incubator T-H-2345 is a successful experiment, I guarantee it."

Another Kyubey glared at the speaker. "You're only saying it because half of T-H-2345's DNA comes from you. While half comes from a human woman whom you judged to be rather sane-passing, for an insane creature. You're not impartial."

Later, Shigeharu would erase the memory of this meeting. He'd convince himself that he was somehow injected into a fully human boy, when that boy was already five or six or maybe nine years old. He'd let his imagination create  memories or choose fragments of memories that supported such a fiction. True memories, snippets of them. Crying mother. A grave of a human father. Various human child's trinkets, that a child incubator would certainly have no use for.

Falsehoods woven from true memory snippets. This was how, at three years old, or four, Takenaka Shigeharu began to learn and practice the art later called - and earlier, too, among others, but he did not see that, then - as ~~_deception._~~

But back then, during the meeting, he was two years old, in human time. He did not know the word 'deception' just yet, it was still few months until he began to practice it, and several months till he would have first heard the word. And so, not yet. As of yet, he was honest.

And he smiled now. "I'm a success?"

Yet another Kyubey shook his head. "That's not determined yet. You may, as they said in ancient times on our planet, be gold in the disguise of garbage, or a garbage in a disguise of gold. Your own actions shall determine that."

"What I'm to do, Elder?"

The Elder, for he truly was so, being the oldest alive Incubator in the Universe, and one who had almost seen, countless centuries ago, the death of the universe, and singlehandedly managed to stop it by turning five Eidohaldorans with the greatest potential into Magical Eidohaldorans, stated sagely:

"T-H-2345, you are a being with a unique potential. You are insane, but you are still an incubator, not a failure of one. Even with you inborn insanity, you still see reason."

The small child nodded eagerly. "Yes, I see looooots of reason, and I'll try not being insane! What am I to do? Please! I need to know. Mom's worried, and dislikes me, but now Dad--- uh, sorry for insanity. Now, RY-UI-145 praised me, and so. I want to know. What am I to do? With my 'potential'?

"Indeed, what a unique combination of utter insanity and small vestiges of coherence, one that should be harvested."

"Mhm, mhm. How am I to be harvested, Elder?"

"You are to either become a Puella Magi if your insanity grows and therefore, you have a potential... or, if your insanity unfortunately proves to stay on a managable level even into your puberty, then you are to find a human with the largest, strongest, most impressive Potential. And then use your humanlike kind of insanity to convince this human that he needs your company, at all times. While accompanying them, make them insanity grow, to improve their already large Potential. And then, reveal your form to them, and your purpose: that is, that you may--"

"Grant their Wish!"

"Indeed. And with that, I do believe you may postpose the Death for maybe even, hmmm, maybe even two or five hours."

The child's eyes widened in amazement.

"That long, Elder?"

"That's why you're so special."

T-H-2345 left the meeting, soon, feeling, for the fist time in his life, that maybe his birth wasn't a mistake.

He had no idea - having rarely dealt with other Incubators - that the Elder wasn't praising him, or making suggestions.

The Elder merely stated what would be the best outcome of T-H-2345's existence, though he barely believed that such a wonderful outcome - either of the two that he's mentioned - would come to pass. It was, in his estimate, only 0,0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000003 % probability when it came to the first one, and 0,00000009 % probability when it came to the second one.

Though now that he's realised that the only emotion that he's observed, as far as he knew, in the child during the meeting was curiosity mixed with happiness, he had even less expectations of the first stated outcome to pass. It now only had 0,0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 % of happening. As he's observed for countless centuries, sentient emotional beings who were only full of 'curiosity' and 'happiness' or 'pleasure' never made contracts with him or his acquiantances. Never, if they didn't have any whit of 'sadness' or 'fear' in them. And the child didn't scream in 'fear' or didn't 'cry' in 'sadness', even once, during the whole meeting. So, all that was left was to expect that maybe the second possible outcome would come to pass, though naturally the chance was rather small.

Still, a small chance of this very difficult experiment not being an utter failure was better than nothing. It was only logical, though certainly this 'human' 'child' would never grasp logic. After all, he was born half 'human' - therefore, half-insane. Elder would pity him, if he was an Eidohaldoran or a Human, but fortunately, he was an Incubator, and didn't have to do such things. And therefore, the 'mother' could pity the 'child' because neither Elder, nor the child's 'father', nor other sane ones, would never do such a mad thing.


	2. Not for the Elder // Myself, Do It Without Taking an Easy Way Out, aka Wishing

**Chapter 1**

 

**Challenge: Myself, Do It Without Taking an Easy Way Out, aka _Wishing_**

 

 _Another bloody cough. Literally, and metaphorically. He had no doubt that he'd die sometime this year, or the next. Hell, from his realised and unrealised mournful looks, even  
_ Mitsunari-kun, _of all people, could see it. Mitsunari-kun, who then surely chided himself on having such blasphemous thoughts._

 

_Ah, Mitsunari-kun. Without Hideyoshi's protection, and Hanbei's, perhaps, that precious boy would long ago have become a Magical Boy. What would, then, your Wish be, Mitsunari-kun? Let's check, shall we? Just for entertainment, because, whether or not I'm a Kyubey - those dreams were strange, but I can't be, I'm a human being - it's still curious. But while you can say it, I'll ~~never let you **make it, don't worry.**~~ Don't worry._

_You won't make it, as long as I'm here. But I'm curious to hear not its words, but the word around it, and then see the shape of the Wish. Just... curiosity?_

 

 

_*****************_

"Mitsunari-kun, you did splendidly in today's battle. You can ask for any reward you want thanks to your today's performance. I am grateful, especially since today, you were fighting in my stead. So, please don't be shy and mention anything."

 

"...reward, Hanbei-sama? I--- I'd humbly ask for your next orders, Hanbei-sama," dear not magical boy said, bowing even lower. Hanbei never knew it was possible to bow even lower while on one's knees without doing a _dogeza_ but the dear boy has gotten quite talented at all kinds of kneeling and bowing, apparently, so he managed it without a problem. That was impressive in its own way.

"In other words, there is no reward in this world that would satisfy you more than Hideyoshi's orders? No matter what anyone or anything offered you? Even if they said it was something that would make Hideyoshi prosper well and be happy forever?"

The eyes of Mitsunari-kun widened as he adorably struggled to - understand the question fully, perhaps? Adorable, because Hanbei didn't quite understand it himself, not being sure whether he himself was a Kyubey, or not. Surely not.... still, incubators existed, somewhere, and it'd be best to put a shield around the boy, when it came to them. Certainly, it was merely such a precaution, now was it not? Certainly....

"I--- I'd never dare to presume I know how to make Hideyoshi-sama happy, Hanbei-sama!"

"But, Mitsunari-kun. What if gods knew? What if a god came from up in the heavens, so high and far away that your little mind can't even imagine the distance, and said that you can sell your very soul for the eternal happiness and prosperity, and successful conquest, of dear Hideyoshi? What then?"

Mitsunari shook his head while bowing deeper - again, an impressive feat of its own. Hanbei would never bow so deep, so it was always a curious sight to see how deep a human being could bow without prostrating himself.

"I'd never dare to presume! I'd ask Hideyoshi-sama, or I'd ask You, Hanbei-sama, and if you told me to go ahead, only then I'd seal such a deal!"

"Good. Good answer, Mitsunari-kun. No deals about Hideyoshi behind my back. Understood?"

"Yes, Hanbei-sama! Without Lord Hideyoshi's or your guidance, how would I never know if it's something that Lord Hideyoshi would gladly exchange my soul for?"

"That he would exchange...? I'm not sure I understand, Mitsunari-kun. Naturally, your body and mind belong to Hideyoshi, but doesn't your very soul belong only to yourself?"

Suddenly, dear boy looked more ashamed of himself than Hanbei's ever seen, which was also impressive, because he's often seen him full of shame, indeed. Because Mitssunari-kun's soul was a fragile one. And so, why was he ashamed now? Hanbei wasn't sure he knew, for a second... was it something he said? About soul? But souls were the only parts of being that couldn't just be given to another human, or another feeling being. That was just how it was, there was no shame in an objective fact like this. Why, then, did Mitsunari-kun suddenly look hurt by his words?

"I deeply apologise, Hanbei-sama. I thought-- I was certain-- that I had already given my Soul to the service of Hideyoshi-sama, but if You say that is not so, Hanbei-sama, then that means that's not so. And I've only lied to myself, apparently, about having done so, and I was a hypocrite. Hanbei-sama, how can I truly give my Soul to the service of Hideyoshi-sama, without leaving any part in my own possession? How... please, tell me!"

Ah.... _So, he doesn't even want to own his own Soul. Slightly strange, but it's good: if he doesn't feel he owns it, he can't use it in a bargain with some Kyubey. And that's a nice devotion, right there, and protection. Good, good, but I don't really know what to say. I haven't planned for it. Ah, let's improvise._

"Keep doing what you're doing, Mitsunari-kun, but with twice more zeal. And every evening before going to sleep, pray to Hideyoshi for an hour or three."

"That.... will be enogh, Hanbei-sama? I'll have given up my soul for Hideyoshi-sama?"

"Yes, indeed, obviously."

"Thank you, Hanbei-sama!"

 

_It's impossible for a human being to do something with more zeal and devotion that this endearing boy, with a large Potential, already does, and it's slightly dangerous, for some Kyubey will notice him. But that's alright. I'm here, as a shield - for dear Hideyoshi, and for this little boy, and for anyone in this army who would make a Wish._

_I won't let them. Because I'm here, because I chose to be here. I won't let them make a Wish, so there's no problem. And that's also proof that I'm not an Incubator, isn't it?_

_Isn't it, Hideyoshi?_

_So, my dreams lied. That's all there is to them. Isn't that true, Hideyoshi? And isn't it true, Elder?_

_Elder? Who?_

_Nevermind. He can't have been important, if I don't remember him._

_*****************_

"with the strongest potential, and make it grow---"

 


	3. Missing Truth and Forever

**Chapter 2**

**And Why Should He Be Honest with Hideyoshi, when Truth Could Kill His Love? // Missing Truth and Forever**

 

"That will be all for today, Sakichi-kun."

Sakichi tried not to pout, while sheathing his sword - he also tried not to give his sword a gentle and passionate look that, were he a grown man, would certainly be a portent of a closer physical intimacy, but Hanbei didn't judge, thinking it simply endearing. Even so, even if Sakichi was a grown man, this not-incubator, whatever dreams said, still wouldn't judge: for he knew that in Sakichi's eyes, in this sword, there lived (though there didn't, in truth), some very, very, very, very small particle of beloved Hideyoshi's Soul. And if so, there was nothing to judge about that passionate, gentle, fragile glance.

"But, Hanbei-sama, if I may speak---"

"You may not. I know: you don't feel you've learned enough in today's training, my boy. But you did learn."

It was slightly underhanded, perhaps, but all impatience and hopes for further training with Hanbei today fled from the little boy's eyes upon hearing _my boy_ leaving behind only palpable happiness - the kind of happiness, Hanbei knew, that could only be felt by people who regularly bathed in despair.

Happy people? People who always smiled? They could never feel such happiness. After all, how can one appreciate colours, if one's never been blind?

 

That's why, Hanbei mused, while Keiji Maeda looked the model of a Puella Magi, his meager little (still existing) Potential was nothing, no, less than nothing, compared to beloved Hideyoshi's or even to little Sakichi's.

 

He shuddered, wondering how he knows Potential. How, when he is NOT an incubator, surely?

"Thank you, Hanbei-sama!"

Rising. Rising Potential. Perhaps, he should kill this boy before some Kyubey claims him.

"Sakichi. Take your sword and put it against your neck, would you?"

Sakichi did so, not looking frightened in the slightest. Strange, when Shigeharu was his age, he would be.

"Now, make a very shallow - but very shallow, mind you, my dear - cut, would you?"

And again, Sakichi did so, without asking any questions. Hmm... It's only been four weeks, he couldn't possibly be so devoted already. Maybe Sakichi just didn't understand his own mortality yet?

No. Not when there were so crows around him, when they first found him. So, that was impossible. What, then? Was the dear boy suicidal? Hm, he should analyse Sakichi's 'feelings' further, in the future.

"Slightly deeper, now, but don't cut anything vital."

And again, Sakichi did so, his hands shaking slightly, now, and so, Hanbei began feeling concerned that next time, dear Sakichi would accidently cut his own throat.

"Enough! Put your sword away, now."

Sakichi did so, and then nodded. Good, at least he didn't accidently kill himself by nodding. You never knew, with  this boy... apparently.

"Now, listen well. Tell me, whom does your body belong to?"

"Hideyoshi-sama!"

"Very well. And so, I'm giving you an order: if anybody tells you kill yourself, even if it's me, don't do it without Hideyoshi's explicit permission. Alright?"

Sakichi nodded eagerly.

"And now, cut your own throat."

For a moment, Sakichi seemed ready to do so (wasn't he listening? Honestly, one should work on this boy's powers of retention, because everything else about him was mostly fine, including apparently, devotion, so it was fine, but...), he even took the sword - sacred to Sakichi, apparently, how innocent, truly - and was going to... but apparently, there were some vestiges of proper retention in him, after all. Good.

"Uhm... can Sakichi go to Hideyoshi and ask him perm...persm... permission right now, Hanbei-sama?"

"Sakichi, you're not to do it today. Therefore, there's no need to tell beloved Hideyoshi anything about today. Ah, including the fact that I accidently called him such a word. I must be getting tired, because of those dreams I keep having. And so: you're to stay alive, Sakichi, my dear."

"Yes, Hanbei-sama! I won't say anything, I swear!"

"Good. Believe me, this is something that you wouldn't understand, with your human mind, anyway."

"Wouldn't... understand? What wouldn't Sa-- what wouldn't I understand?" Sakichi inquired, apparently genuinely curious about anything concerning his Hanbei-sama.

Endearing, indeed. Was it possible to truly hate the boy, for anyone, unless he killed everybody that said anyone loved, brutally? It probably wasn't possible, unless in such case, Hanbei mused. And even then--- one would only be able to hate him platonically and out of duty, Hanbei thought.

"I'm not quite sure I'm a human being. Well, I can't say, for my memories about that are a bit of a mess - I think I locked them behind some door. Even so, what I mean is, Sakichi... you can't ever possibly understand what Hideyoshi means to me."

"Yes, Hanbei-sama! And if you wish, I'll try to open those doors or whatever, Hanbei-sama!"

"Yes, yes, open them, you have my permission," Hanbei joked, though he wasn't sure if Sakichi would get that he wasn't being serious.

"Yes, Hanbei-sama."

Ah, so solemn. So, he didn't get the joke. The doors were in Hanbei's mind, without a Kyubey or two, Sakichi couldn't possibly open them.

Ah, well. Innocence has its rights.

 

***********************************

 

"Hanbei. I'd ask for your advice on a certain matter. I met somebody - or something - supernatural today."

"Something supernatural, dear Hideyoshi? What was it, I wonder?"

Hanbei didn't believe in anything supernatural: after all, early humans worshipped incubators as gods, some of them.

**_~~And how do I know that, when I'm not connected to Kyubeys?~~ _ **

 

"He introduced himself as Kyubey. He said that if I make a contract with him, he can make my Wish come true. And I only need to fight some 'Witches' in return. I thought it'd be a good alliance, and told him I'd consider it."

Hanbei wanted to scream, now. To cry. To beg. To beg Hideyoshi not to do it, not to become Magical... in other words, not to become a Witch, soon. To beg, to cry, to swear that he would make better strategies, faster ones, ones that would let him conquer the Land of the Rising Sun much faster.

To prostrate himself, to beg, to scream his soul out....

But ah, that would be concerning, wouldn't it? And maybe, if he did so, Hideyoshi, beloved Hideyoshi would then know the depths of Hanbei's desperation and dependance, and so----

"An Incubator approached you? That's wonderful, Hideyoshi. Now Japan - no, now the whole world, please remember to phrase your Wish correctly... if it's you, with Your Potential, you can ask for the World itself, how splendid- it can be Yours tomorrow! I'm glad. To live to see such a day: how amazing. Thank you for telling me immediately, Hideyoshi. And thank you for everything. And please know that I'll always pray for your success. Goodbye."

"Hanbei, what are you saying? If this 'incubator' as you say, truly has the power to grant my wish, than the world won't just be mine, as you say, it shall be ours. Mine and yours as well."

"Ah, it's wonderful to hear that. That you'd share it with me - that's why, today, I'll die the happiest man in this world, Hideyoshi. Thank you."

Hideyoshi frowned, now looking truly displeased.

Perfect. Below the belt, perhaps, but perfect. Quickly, now, because a kyubey could return any minute now.

Hanbei took a sword that Sakichi left behind - perhaps because Hanbei didn't say, as he usually did, that Sakichi can now take it (again, how amusing) and put it to his own throat, making a rather shallow, but ostensibly nasty-looking cut.

"Hanbei! Stop this and explain yourself."

Hanbei smirked, such a small smirk that he knew that dear Hideyoshi wouldn't notice, and put the sword on his own lap, now.

"I apologise, Hideyoshi. You're right, I should've explained first. And then... maybe a seppuku instead? And it'd please me, if you could be my second, Hideyoshi."

"Hanbei!"

"Ah, yes, explaining. You see, I truly think an alliance with an incubator is, for the future of the Toyotomi, a truly splendid idea. And I'd advise you to do it. It's just, because incubators are my mortal enemies, from long ago before the Toyotomi army existed... I'm honour bound not to witness this contract. And so, thank you, Hideyoshi, and goodbye."

"Hanbei, stop. I just didn't know it's an enemy. I won't make this Contract."

 

_Perfect._

 

"Are you certain, Hideyoshi? I really would never wish to hinder your glorious conquest because of my petty ancient feuds."

"Yes, I am certain, Hanbei. And this subject's finished now, don't mention it again."

"As you wish, Hideyoshi. I was only being honest. Incubators truly can grant any wish, any that can be uttered--"

"Enough."

Hanbei just nodded slowly, looking as solemn as he could.

"Yes, Hideyoshi. If you wish."

 

**********

Perfect? Not at all. Hideyoshi shouldn't have--- minded---

Whether T-H lived or died, he--

T-H? What?

_I'm a little tired, that's all. That's certainly all._

 


	4. Interlude:  Her Black Hair Shines Wonderfully

_"Jej czarne włosy cudnie lśnią / już nie wiem czy to ja, czy obcy ktoś."_

 

**~~_*******_ ~~ **

 

**~~_Back then, I had no idea Hideyoshi existed. No, I didn't know about the Light, back then._ ~~ **

**~~_And so, her Time-Shadow enveloping me... I... no, Shigeharu - thought he could die - not happy, by any means - but less miserable. She was my obsession, and not knowing Hideyoshi, I mistook an obsession for a life._ ~~ **

**~~_Innocence has its rights, maybe, or perhaps, the will to live can obscure an ugly nature of a feeling. If I was to be crude, I'd say she was my first._ ~~ **

**~~_In reality, she was my zero. I mean that very literally. If she heard this, she'd understand, unlike some lesser Witch who could be offended._ ~~ **

**~~_Well, why wouldn't I call her a Witch? She had never been one, and she will never be one again and again and again, untill she forever is. And so: Akemi Homura-kun, my dearest zero. Never beloved, but always important. How would one count without zeros?_ ~~ **

 

**Interlude**

_**Her Black Hair Shines Wonderfully** _

 

"Tonight, I thought I smelled a 'Kyuubi" or whatever the white fluffs are called. I followed the trail, and instead, I found---" Shigeharu trailed off, trying to stiffle a bloody cough that he suddenly felt coming.

The Puella Magi didn't even turned to look at him. But the Moon truly brought out the beautiful lustre of her pretty, amazingly long black hair, fluttering without any winds. And perhaps because he was busy trying not to cough during the first meeting with a suspicious (to him) stranger, connected to an incubator... perhaps because of that, that first image of her - miraculously alive and lustrous hair fluttering on the lack of any natural wind, so beautiful and strong that he could cry if he wasn't busy not coughing - burned itself forever into his mind.

It wasn't _life,_ or _love,_ but young Shigeharu mistood this for such, or for whereabouts.

Now that he thought of it, years later, he would never have 'fallen' for her if it was white, or red, or silver, or green, or brown, or whichever. Such a shallow thing... youth, puberty, wasn't it?

But let's go back to said moment.

 

******************

"Tonight, I thought I smelled a 'Kyuubi" or whatever the white fluffs are called. I followed the trail, and instead, I found---" Shigeharu trailed off, trying to stiffle a bloody cough that he suddenly felt coming.

The Puella Magi didn't even turned to look at him. But the Moon truly brought out the beautiful lustre of her pretty, amazingly long black hair, fluttering without any winds.

"Is something the matter? If you're ill, don't try to run after me. I'm fast."

"I---"

_Cough._

"I---- can see that, Puella Himitsu-kun."

"It's Homura Akemi. And it's not '-kun' to you."

"Very well, th---the---then, Puella Magi Ho---kh---Homura Akemi-san." he said, as reverently as one could while coughing a little.

He still hasn't seen her face. But it didn't matter. The lustre of her hair--- if she was ugly, his name wasn't Shigeharu and he wasn't a human being. Surely, she had to be as pretty as she was strong.

And she looked powerful, indeed. No, not because there was no wind. It was an impression - a strong element that he couldn't pinpoint.

 

***

 **_Time._ ** _Now I know. Back then, it was--_

 

****

A true mystery. Even his Shadow didn't yield any clues, or her shadow, for that matter, for every sentient being had a shadow, while not every one had a Shadow.

She---

"So--kh-- the white fluffy kitten, did--"

"I killed him. He's eating this body of his, now, somewhere else."

She turned to face him, now. She wasn't ugly, though she seemed a bit plainer than he hoped. A bit plainer than he was, and she didn't have the justification of being **_half-breed_ _ ~~and~~_** ill and weak, in body and spirit, though not in mind.

Her eyes were very dead, and very beautiful, in a slightly morbid way. _Am I necrophiliac now? I guess I wouldn't mind that much, if it's this Magical Girl._

"Thank you." Did he mean it? Perhaps, though he had an inkling that she didn't kill the kitten for him.

"I didn't do it for you."

Obviously.

"Ah, I see. That's a shame, i wanted to be indebted to someone."

"Why would you wish for that?"

"For a novelty. I've never been indebted."

"That's a sad existence, but it's none of my business," she uttered so quietly that he knew that she 'knew' he wouldn't quite hear, and what mistaken, for his hearing was so keen, that it terrified those who realised it was so.

Not human, they said. Some kind of monster or god, for no human could hear better than even animals did.

He'd cherish that, if not for weird dreams. Of stars, Wishes, experiments, curses, and Elders of some kind.

"None of your business, indeed, Puella Magi Akemi Homura-san," he repeated, wondering if she'd get slightly spooked, too.

But she didn't even turn to look at him, and he could feel and hear that nothing in her faltered.

"I see. So that's what you are."

"What... I am?"

"Indeed."

With that, she jumped high enough that he couldn't follow, not without risking another coughing fit immediately. So he only listened to the sounds of her, for the next ten minutes, daydreaming quietly of sinking in her lustrous hair, as dark as death, but with a much prettier smell, and much more powerful.

 

*************

_How childish. That's what some call 'first love', I suppose._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Her black hair shines wondefully/ miraculously" is a translation of a Polish translation of a line from "Hellfire" from Polish dub of "The Hunchback of Notre-Dame". The original line in original English version: "The sun caught in her raven hair / Is blazing in me out of all control" and in Polish translation, translated an paraphrased, it's "Her black hair shines wondefully / I no longer know if I'm myself or some stranger now."


	5. Interlude 2345: The T-H Experiment Was a Failure

**Interlude of 2345**

**The T-H-2345 Experiment Was a Failure // Bis zu Diesem Tag, das Kind Wusste Nicht, Was 'ein Traum' Ist, aber Es Simulierte  
**

 

There was a murmur throughout the whole crowd, a murmur that would, naturally, Shigeharu knew, be unheard by many he knew, including his stepfather, for many he knew were  _homo sapiens,_ and this crowd was not. They were Incubators, scientific name:                       , and so, they could speak to each other in their minds. Shigeharu - T-H's hearing was very, very, very poor, half-human as he was, and he was barely able to use telepathy till his father (the Incubator one) shared his telepathy with him.

The memory still made him feel ashamed, even though it happened nearly two years ago (Shigeharu- no, T-H - was four years old now. Still an infant, by the time measurement of Incubators, he knew, but in the world in which he's spent a year without a break now: Earth, Japan: he was no longer an infant, and so, his cheeks burned whenever now, here again, in this place, he was being treated as such.)

Why would he try to learn as much as he could, be as adult as he could - no, still not enough, he felt, he knew - only to come back here and be treated as if he was born yesterday, still? Why? Why?

What was even the--- Ah, Elder! He's finally come!

Elder was one of three hundreds of Elders, but T-H wouldn't give one single bow to any other elder. This one was - the only one who thought that maybe, just maybe, Shigeharu was a true Incubator, even with such a weird experimental _homo sapients_ body and could postpone the death of the Universe, could prevent Entropy.

Entropy. T-H wasn't sure what to feel, knowing that all the foolish humans, with whom he spent almost his whole life now, didn't know a thing about entropy, and probably wouldn't give a damn about it, especially all the ones in the Land of the Rising Sun, especially upon hearing that it wouldn't affect them during their lifetime, or in the lifetime of their children's children's children's children's children's..................... etc....... children.

How egoistical.

_Elder._

_Quiet, T-H-2345, if you talk too much before the tests, it may affect the results. Besides, it's been noted that while you can use the telepathy gifted to you, as any homo sapiens can, your own one - meager as it is - also activates, and for as of yet unknown reason, it weakens your homo sapiens immune system slightly. You may 'catch a cold' as humans say, again, tomorrow, as you did last month, and the month before that, even though you are rather healthy and fit, well, averagaly at least for your age._

_Yes, Elder! But it's not a problem, I'm healthy and making sure to stay healthy. Even though homo sapiens are all so very unhygienic. It's not a problem._

 

_*******************************_

_*******************_

_***********************************_

 

 

Dammit. He could hear and smell that Hideyoshi was in danger, but he was ten miles from that battlefield, so how could he possibly warn Hideyoshi in time? That sound, that was certainly arrows-- and how couldn't Hideyoshi hear that arrows were being aimed stealthily at his back, when Hanbei could hear it from ten - well, less then ten, now, he was now riding there as quickly as he could - miles away, and smell it, too? How?

_Hideyoshi!! Behind you!_

Ah, Hideyoshi must've heard the arrows, at last, because when they were fired, Hanbei soon heard him smash them. He sighed in relief and slowed down a little - good, it wouldn't do to cough on one of best horses, probably, or...

******************

"Thank you, Hanbei, for earlier today."

"You're welcome, Hideyoshi, but I don't quite understand. This is the first time we've talked today, and so--"

"Thank you. For warning me."

Now Hanbei was truly confused, for the first time in years. It couldn't possibly be _that,_ could it? Naturally, of course not. He couldn't speak to someone, to anyone, even to Hideyoshi, in _thoughts._ Why, he would know if he had such a convenient ability.

"Hideyoshi, please, be reasonable, how could I warn you about anything today, when this is the first time we've conversed today?"

"Hanbei, nobody can overhear us here. Your secret is safe."

"My secret, that is...?"

"I'm not certain, but I know that you'll tell me when you figure it out."

"When I... Hideyoshi, I know all my ablities."

"That's fine," Hideyoshi said, nodding.

 

Yes, this was the most confusion that Hanbei's felt in many years now. It had to be _that,_ the warning in thoughts, but how? And why would he know how to do it, without ever having done so before?

"The truth is, Hideyoshi, I don't quite control --- this... ability? But I'll train."

"That's what it seemed like. Knowing you, I know you'll excel at it quickly, Hanbei. Whether you're at my side or not, talk to me wherever in the Land of the Rising Sun we are."

Bewilderment slowly pushed away by satisfaction and some other feelings, Hanbei smiled a little.

"Certainly."

 

****************************

*********

***************

_Himitsu-san, why don't you like talking over the distances like this?_

_Why do you seem to love it so would be a better question._

_Because you've told me, and I also checked later, and it's true: in my thoughts, I sound completely healthy._

_In other words, it's either deception, or an escape._

_No, I just love you! So I want you to hear my soul, not my pathetic body._

_Love me? T-H, You've made this joke several times now. It's beginning to be boring._

_I'm telling you, whatever you've found out about some T-H-235, it's not me. I've never been an Incubator._

_I see._

_That's "I know something you don't", and that's very unbecoming and unladylike of you, my Akemi-san._

_Not yours. In any timeline, Shigeharu.  
_

Ah, he knew. He knew, why wouldn't he? Pink-haired goddesses weren't his personal preference, but Himitsu-san wasn't him, so whatever she fancied wasn't his business, truly.

He'd prefer red, personally. Vibrant red eys, perhaps, or something of the like. He dreamed vaguely of many people with such, though they probably weren't homo sapiens. And besides, in their eyes, something was lacking - there could be no true strength without that something.

And so, for now, all eyes were still ugly. Homura's hair, on the other hand, was still pretty.

And her eyes still so very dead, he no longer fancied them.


	6. Chapter 3: Worth Nothing More

**Chapter 3**

**Worth Nothing More  
**

 

**~~_Hanbei-sama?! Hanbei-sama, what's wrong?!  
_ ~~ **

Ah. He's heard and smelled, even through sleep, Mitsunari-kun coming, naturally, no doubt out of concern - maybe he screamed in his sleep, or coughed? That wouldn't be too surprising. 

However, he didn't wish to wake up right now. Something was so closely in his grasp now, something important but forgotten. He always, somewhere, felt that if he just grasped it, he could be healthy again, and that would truly be beneficial to the Toyotomi as well as---

~~_**Hanbei-sama? Are you---** _ ~~

~~~~Couldn't he even sleep in peace? To grasp that elusive something, he felt he needed to go into a dream again, and so... ah, well, he just had to announce his intentions.

_Mitsunari-kun, be quiet. Right now, I'm very busy._

Or just give a polite order, because his intentions... he didn't fully understand them himself, right now. _What_ was he trying to grasp, and how could he do it while either half-asleep or lucid dreaming (and he could always hear what's happening around when lucid dreaming, unless he specifically closed himself off to it.

_Hanbei-sama?_

So tentative. Well, that's right, this was the first time Mitsunari-kun talked to anybody telepathically, wasn't it? _Ah, I didn't even notice that I gave you the ability to reply. Quite accidental._

That was true, but if this conversation was being held outside their minds, Hanbei would never admit to doing anything on sheer accident, and certainly not to that dear boy of Hideyoshi's. After all, if Mitsunari-kun ever learns that Hanbei's fallible, that might break poor little boy's mind.

_I-- I apologise if I was not supposed to reply, Hanbei-sama! I've heard you scream so I came running and--_

_That's fine, now be quiet._

Dear boy listened, fortunately, and quite  dilligently. Hanbei's never heard someone still conscious breathe as  quietly as Mitsunari-kun was breathing right now. Surely it wouldn't be audible to any _homo sapiens--_

Human being? But he himself was a human being, wasn't he? And after all-- ah, wasn't he supposed to fall deeply asleep again and find something, anything, any clue as to how--- what?

 

 

Red sky, suddenly appearing instead of a vast nothing, and many galaxies on that sky, and he knew he was lucid dreaming, still, because he felt utterly healthy and knew that here, in this place, he was, because he did fell asleep a bit more deeply and all around everything was just a figment of his imagination. And so, maybe here, where he maybe knew himself more than awake, or maybe just differently, he could find whatever he was searching for.

*********

Red sky. Not  the colour of sunset or anything alike, but his most beloved colour, the colour of Hideyoshi's eyes. There was no ground, for a moment, which was, after a moment, slightly tiring, so Hanbei T-H-2305 waved a hand and the ground, covered in the Darkness of Hanbei's Shadow, appeared. The Shadow kept the shape of a man usually, sometime flickering into a shape of an incubator. Here, why not? Here, Hanbei T-H-2305 knew everything about himself. Remembered everything. And would be damned if he brought everything from here to the awake part of his mind. After all, it would---

_Endanger your tyrant, wouldn't it?_

_Indeed, Himitsu-kun,_ he replied, not needing to turn to look at her, as he could smell her hair and hear it swishing perfectly without it, and if this was reality, she would still be a bit too far away to be seen - though here, he'd be able to see her, if he wanted, without even turning in 'correct direction', because she was wherever he wished her to be.

After all, this one wasn't Puella Magi Homura Akemi-kun, but only a picture of her in his mind, a figment of his imagination.

_When did you begin distrusting yourself, I wonder? When you were young, you trusted only yourself - and one other incubator, I suppose. And occasionally, your mother, but rarely._

_Distrusting myself? No, why would I? I'm only being cautious, dear Himitsu-kun. After all, if I ever learn that I'm an incubator - ah, I'm not quite, but I do have some abilities, being born of one - then I run the risk of my Hideyoshi someday learning of that, too. And then - he may, upon learning what incubators do - he already more or less knows, but--- he may make a Wish._

_Then it's not yourself you distrust, but your beloved tyrant._

_Conqueror, my dear, I've told you thousand times. And I trust him, Akemi-kun, to always do what's best for the Land of the Rising Sun. And that's precisely why it's a sensible precaution that I don't truly, consciously know that I'm TH-2305: so that my Hideyoshi never learns of that, and never becomes a Wish._

_And you cannot simply refuse to turn his Soul into a Soul Gem. For some reason. Is that so?_

_You're quite  convenient as a figment of my imagination,_ Hanbei mused, _because if you were the real you, you wouldn't ask. As you probably already know. An incubator cannot refuse granting a Wish, with all it's consquences - it's a deeply seated instinct that cannot be overcome, for the good of this---_ and he waved, towards the countless galaxies on the red sky around them. _A created instinct, and instilled into the common incubator genome, by First Saviours of the Universe. Ah, even real Homura-kun hasn't heard of them, so I'll tell you: those were the incubators who first noticed that emotions of insane sentient beings other than incubators are not only a mental illness, but also something that may be used to stop entropy._

_I think you forgotten why you've come here. And besides, I'm not needed here. I want to leave and try to find Madoka again._

Her eyes were filled with visible regret that the real her usually tried to keep hidden. It made them a bit more alive, and so, rendered her a bit prettier.

_That's not true, it's just that I already remember - here, and only here - no need to relive it._

_Coward._

 

_**************_

_Elder? Elder, can you hear me? Please, teleport me to the medical centre on the planet                                         now. I caught some very horrible illness, I think it may even be tuberculosis. Therefore, I need to get cured. It'll only be five minutes, I know, and I know the doctors will say that 'some sane people had to wait five more minutes to be cured just because of this pathetic failure' but I don't really mind. It's just that it would be illogical to die young when everybody knows that I can live four or five times longer than pure homo sapiens specimens, according to laboratory tests._

_Elder?_

_Elder?_

_Elder, can't you hear me? I can't hear you. Elder?_

_Elder? Elder!_

There was no answer, only silence. It was slightly strange, but Shigeharu decided one more day of illness probably won't be fatal, and that he'll try calling again, tomorrow. He didn't want to call anybody else - after all, every other incubator has long decided that Shi--- T-H-2305 was a failure of an experiment, good for nothing, objectively. And they would probably even consider the fact that Shigeharu was ill now a possible future benefit, as the illness might make him afraid and entice him to make a Contract, while making a Wish to be healthy of something of the kind, and at least he would then be what he was supposed to be, when his existence was first thought of: a chance to prolong the life of the Universe without having to rely on very frail, unreliable, and often unpredictable _homo sapiens_ species. He was supposed to be the first of many such hybrids, hybrids of incubators and _homo sapiens_ or other similarly insane species.

Supposed to. As of now, he was till the onl one.

He would try calling again, tomorrow. Tuberculosis didn't kill in a day, did it? He had already read a lot about it, and would have read more, but somebody locked his entry into _Incubator Library Archives_ today morning _,_ hopefully accidentally.

***********

_Back then, I hadn't known it was already decided I was worth nothing. And that when I accidently fell ill, it was considered the best possible outcome, because now, at least, I'd have an incentive to become a Magical Being. In other words, my existence wouldn't have been a complete waste of resources and energy expended to create me._

_You were slowly beginning to suspect that it could be so, even then. And what is the name of a planet where you'd be able to get cured in five minutes, even now?_

_I no longer remember, Himitsu-kun. Because I'm unable to travel there on my own anyway, so remembering the name would mean nothing._

With a wave of his hand, Homura Akemi-kun disappeared, as he's already tired of her nonexistant company. And it was time to wake up, wasn't it? He had work to do, for Hideyoshi. Yes, there were strategies to improve, and new ones to make, and some correction to the long-term ones, as he called them, the ones that were fail-safes in case he died before Japan was completely in Hideyoshi's hand.

He took a deep breath and thought _I'm not an incubator and I'm not in any way connected to them, not counting the time when one tried to make a contract with me,_ wishing to impress such truth on the conscious part of his mind.


End file.
